you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
