porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
