plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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