Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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