..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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