It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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