I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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