i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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