Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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