i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She just used a chaser for red wine.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So much Jack, so little girl.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
