just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
