Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
