I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
