I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
