I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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