I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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