She said her name was "party"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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