eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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