I'm really into asian looking animals
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
