I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
