I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
