Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
