I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
