The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
