the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
