I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
