I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
