i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
