Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
