I hate your face
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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