I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
