who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
