all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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