No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize