Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
