Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Randomize
