Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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