fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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