I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
