Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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