I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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