I think im going to throw up on grandma
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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