the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
