sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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