Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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