im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
