Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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