Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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