It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
