How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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