you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
