The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
