I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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