girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
