I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
