she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
