My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
