just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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