I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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