Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
