I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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