Need sex. Gaining weight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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