Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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