he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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