dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
