She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
