I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
