im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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