i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
