I puked a lego.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
