remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
