we have officially lost it.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
