ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
