Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
