my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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