I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
