He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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