No stitches, just platelets and will power
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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