hotel room ftw
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
