Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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